Today I want to share something I have been personally discovering this past year.

You see, I started the process of wanting to write this blog back in November but it was only the beginning of what the Father was teaching me. I was just beginning to walk through this journey of understanding what it means to be loved by God as Father.

July 28th, 2013

8 years ago today, I lost the person I called dad. After fighting day after day for his life on earth, my dad’s battle with cancer ended and he was welcomed Home. 

Today can be hard and I won't lie about that. 

Today can also be a sweet day of celebrating my dad and the impact he made in his 50 years on this earth. 

Before I jump in, I want each of you to stop and think about your dad right now. I’ve recognized all our earthly perspectives of what a father is or is supposed to be can vary greatly. 

Some of you may have incredible dads. Maybe you have a hard relationship with your dad. Some of you may never have known your dad or he was never around. If you have been hurt or disappointed by your earthly dad, I am really sorry.

For most of us, regardless of our situations with our dads, we project our experience with our earthly fathers onto God. 

At 15 years old, I was way too young to lose my dad. I had so much to still learn from him. I had so many moments I wanted my dad here for. 

Over the past year, I recognized I had not fully discovered the deep love of my heavenly Father which was actually leaving two gaps in my heart wide open: one for my dad and the other for my heavenly dad.

I realized that I didn’t fully want the Father to love me as a daughter because all I wanted was to be back in my teenage years being loved and cherished by my dad. He was the best. He loved us kids so well. He knew my passions. He knew my heart. He knew what I needed when I was having a hard time. He knew me as a father should.  

So, oftentimes, I didn’t want God as my Father, I just wanted my dad back. 

But then the Lord met me in a really sweet place during training camp back in October. He met me with an image of my earthly father and I felt my dad’s love for me all over again. Then he showed me that same love from Him on a more intense and intimate level. It made me realized my dad was able to love me to that capacity because he knew the ultimate Father in Heaven. (I feel like this is where God would do a mic drop haha).

I had a beautiful example of selfless love, and what is more beautiful is knowing my dad’s love was a glimpse of the love God has for His children. 

Since that moment, this year has been a journey of truly discovering God as Father, His heart for me as a daughter, and what that means for my identity.

The more I learn about the Father, the more I realize the most important thing about me, the deepest and most defining thing about any of us, is what we think about the Father.

(read that again)

It's no coincidence God wanted me to walk through this journey of discovering the Father's heart while on the race. The process of getting to a place of welcoming God as Father truly started in Costa Rica, but I avoided diving into the depths of it.

While in Guatemala I was wrecked with the Father's love, coincidently while being surrounded by some of the most loving fathers. We had the sweetest ministry dads, Craig and Fernando, who exuded the love of a Father to each of us.

Craig loved my team so well and called us his daughters. He adopted us, adopted me, into his Guatemalan family. Fernando was patient and while he taught us skills to help him, he placed more value on who we were than anything else. The man carried me down the mountain on his back, talk about selflessness.

This season was exactly what God wanted me to experience -- he wanted me to see His love through those Fathers. 

Then in Honduras, we witnessed the brokenness of earthly fathers in the mountains. We saw the sinful nature and cycle of abuse most of them fell into. While on the mountain, God continued to wreck my heart to make the love of the Father known and I started writing this blog while in my tent one evening.

It made me realize how much hurt was in the world and how much transformation could take place if they knew the love of God through Jesus, the only way to the Father.

So while today I can feel fatherless on this earth, I know I belong. I have a Father in Heaven who I belong to, who loves me, cares for me, and His heart is to provide for me and bless me. The same goes for you.

To my dad, thank you for loving me as a daughter. Thank you for letting me truly be myself and loving me exactly as I was. Thank you for being a father present in my life. Thank you for your sacrifice to fight for our family. Thank you for the love and strength you and mom molded into our family to stand together through these times. Thank you for the sweet moments you send me now to know you’re there. Thank you for being a really kind and good father.