Today I want to share something I have been personally discovering this past year.
You see, I started the process of wanting to write this blog back in November but it was only the beginning of what the Father was teaching me. I was just beginning to walk through this journey of understanding what it means to be loved by God as Father.
July 28th, 2013
8 years ago today, I lost the person I called dad. After fighting day after day for his life on earth, my dad’s battle with cancer ended and he was welcomed Home.
Today can be hard and I won’t lie about that.
Today can also be a sweet day of celebrating my dad and the impact he made in his 50 years on this earth.
Before I jump in, I want each of you to stop and think about your dad right now. I’ve recognized all our earthly perspectives of what a father is or is supposed to be can vary greatly.
Some of you may have incredible dads. Maybe you have a hard relationship with your dad. Some of you may never have known your dad or he was never around. If you have been hurt or disappointed by your earthly dad, I am really sorry.
For most of us, regardless of our situations with our dads, we project our experience with our earthly fathers onto God.
At 15 years old, I was way too young to lose my dad. I had so much to still learn from him. I had so many moments I wanted my dad here for.
Over the past year, I recognized I had not fully discovered the deep love of my heavenly Father which was actually leaving two gaps in my heart wide open: one for my dad and the other for my heavenly dad.
I realized that I didn’t fully want the Father to love me as a daughter because all I wanted was to be back in my teenage years being loved and cherished by my dad. He was the best. He loved us kids so well. He knew my passions. He knew my heart. He knew what I needed when I was having a hard time. He knew me as a father should.
So, oftentimes, I didn’t want God as my Father, I just wanted my dad back.
But then the Lord met me in a really sweet place during training camp back in October. He met me with an image of my earthly father and I felt my dad’s love for me all over again. Then he showed me that same love from Him on a more intense and intimate level. It made me realized my dad was able to love me to that capacity because he knew the ultimate Father in Heaven. (I feel like this is where God would do a mic drop haha).
I had a beautiful example of selfless love, and what is more beautiful is knowing my dad’s love was a glimpse of the love God has for His children.
Since that moment, this year has been a journey of truly discovering God as Father, His heart for me as a daughter, and what that means for my identity.
The more I learn about the Father, the more I realize the most important thing about me, the deepest and most defining thing about any of us, is what we think about the Father.
(read that again)
We get to come into a relationship and sonship with God the Father through the Spirit and redeeming work of Jesus on the cross! “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him, we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs — heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” Romans 8:14-17 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will” Ephesians 1:4-5
It’s no coincidence God wanted me to walk through this journey of discovering the Father’s heart while on the race. The process of getting to a place of welcoming God as Father truly started in Costa Rica, but I avoided diving into the depths of it.
While in Guatemala I was wrecked with the Father’s love, coincidently while being surrounded by some of the most loving fathers. We had the sweetest ministry dads, Craig and Fernando, who exuded the love of a Father to each of us.
Craig loved my team so well and called us his daughters. He adopted us, adopted me, into his Guatemalan family. Fernando was patient and while he taught us skills to help him, he placed more value on who we were than anything else. The man carried me down the mountain on his back, talk about selflessness.
This season was exactly what God wanted me to experience — he wanted me to see His love through those Fathers.
Then in Honduras, we witnessed the brokenness of earthly fathers in the mountains. We saw the sinful nature and cycle of abuse most of them fell into. While on the mountain, God continued to wreck my heart to make the love of the Father known and I started writing this blog while in my tent one evening.
It made me realize how much hurt was in the world and how much transformation could take place if they knew the love of God through Jesus, the only way to the Father.
“I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them, and show myself to them” John 14:18-21
So while today I can feel fatherless on this earth, I know I belong. I have a Father in Heaven who I belong to, who loves me, cares for me, and His heart is to provide for me and bless me. The same goes for you.
To my dad, thank you for loving me as a daughter. Thank you for letting me truly be myself and loving me exactly as I was. Thank you for being a father present in my life. Thank you for your sacrifice to fight for our family. Thank you for the love and strength you and mom molded into our family to stand together through these times. Thank you for the sweet moments you send me now to know you’re there. Thank you for being a really kind and good father.
Give me a heart submitted to the Father, the one worthy to name and define me as His
“I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters” 2 Cor 6:18
Kailee,
Your message totally blessed my heart today, as I remember that today is the day he passed.
He was an awesome friend, man and obviously great dad!. You 4 kids are the shining example of who Kenny, and our heavenly Father is! You are amazing, lady! We love you so much!!!
Jeff and Sharon
Beautiful ??
Thank you so much for sharing this Kailee. Your words are kind, honest, and brave.
Thank you for sharing all of this… I loved your dad (and love your mom so much) we are so fortunate when our earthly fathers give us the foretaste if our heavenly FATHER… seems so right that our FATHERS would point the way to our heavenly FATHER. Praying that you close your eyes often remembering that he is in you— literally- so much of who you are is your sweet dad KEN along with GOD that is a lot of greatness that can never change or leave… both images on the inside of you…
Thank you Kailee for the wonderful reminder and testimony. Loved the pics of u and dad. Loved the verses as well. As always, Praying for u and fam throughout the day today as I know it is a tough day. John 14 is Amazing scripture for all of us but especially you. Praying u truly feel love and peace in The Father’s arms.
Beautifully written and expressed Kailee. Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us. Your dad always was and always will be so very proud of you! Love you!
Mr. Davis – thank you for your kind words each year on this day, it means the world to me and my family! Your prayers and supportable truly felt. I pray you and your family have been able to have sweet moments together this summer. Congratulations on your black belt, too!!
Thank you, mama! I love you always!
Jeff and Sharon, I love you guys! Thank you for being there and supporting me and my family through everything! You are a great friend to us!
Thank you, Sharon! (:
Thank you, Bridgit! You always have the sweetest words of encouragement, your prayers and support are greatly appreciated! (:
Thanks so much, Connor! Your support and kind words mean a lot (:
Wow Connie, what beautiful words and encouragement! My dad was and is a truly incredible and loving father! You and your family are really special to us. Thank you for supporting me today and on this journey.
Sorry for the late read… Truly beautiful kailee. Brought me to tears as I’m sure everyone else. So glad you have the powerful encounter with the father through others and thank you for sharing! Important part of missioning is sharing your experience back home! Love you! Looking forward to you coming back home!
Kailee, I always look forward to reading your beautiful words and all the amazing things God is teaching you. You continue to be in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your heart. It’s beautiful!! Love, Bridgit